I have been feeling on and off like myself since Friday.

One minute I’m ready to embrace the to do list I have and the next I’m in a state of overwhelm without focus. Excitement comes and goes. It’s an emotional rollercoaster I really don’t want to be on, but lately I can’t seem to get off the ride. My mom rode it with me on Friday night when I asked her to come over and talk me through what I was feeling. That’s one thing I appreciate about living so close to my mom – she really is only a phone call away. Err well technically Ben Facetimed her because I was in tears on the couch, but same thing.

My full-time job has been crazy busy these past few weeks. I think it’s a big driver in what has left me feeling so drained. It seems like I’m just trying to stay afloat with minimal responsibilities in my personal life. This week will be more of the same so I’m just mentally preparing myself to take that day by day. I know my job isn’t always this way and the best part about it is that I still get to work from home.

It might sound crazy, but I can’t shake this weird feeling of being stagnant.

Have you ever felt that way? I’m not asking for a major change in my life or anything, but it seems like I’m watching those around me make big moves and changes.

And I am SO happy for them, so do not get that part twisted.

It just has me wondering when it’s my turn. Why am I stuck in one big vicious cycle of sameness?

My mom thinks that I’m so hard on myself that I can’t even see how much I’ve accomplished and am currently accomplishing. I don’t think she’s wrong. I’ve never been one to sit still for too long and soak in achievements. Even while I celebrate what I achieve, I’m always onto the next and thinking of ways to do better.

Plans we had this weekend were cancelled and I actually felt a sense of relief. That’s when I know I’m not myself. When a plan B was offered, I told Ben to tell the group we were going to pass. I needed space to recharge and refocus.

What good would I be doing if we went and I didn’t want to be there? I know myself well enough to know that when I’m in this state, it’s usually best for me to be home with small activities that get me out of the house – i.e. a Starbucks run, a drive to the beach, time outside with the pups. Things like that work wonders in giving me blips of happiness to restore the energy I’m in need of. Group activities usually don’t bode well for me when I feel this way.

I don’t know where this post is going, but I think it’s helping me to write it out.

I’ll leave this post on a positive note with a few things that have made me happy this week and weekend:

• The Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso from Starbucks might be my new favorite thing
• A special delivery from a hot sauce brand I’m working with
• Getting up early
• A “thank you” email from my boss
• Dedicating six+ hours to my blog and social media work on a Saturday
• An energetic yoga flow
• Football Sunday with Ben, the pups, and I
• Seeing one of my oldest friends
• The Bud Light Seltzer Fall Flannel pack (purchased and ready for sip off)
• Harnessing a vision for where I want to continue my efforts with social media (actually niching down – who am I?)
• Spicy ranch waters – Ben just handed me one while I was typing this

As always, thanks for keeping up. I’m hoping to get back to myself soon.